Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
