the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you inspire me to be a worse person
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
