Well apparently he's into motor boating.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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