maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
