I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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