I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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