Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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