In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
