Sry I called you an 8
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I currently don't understand fingers.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
