god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
