i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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