I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
