Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
