peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
