Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
