I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
