i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
