jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
