I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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