I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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