there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
