so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
