So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
