I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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