Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
