My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
