what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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