what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
