Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
