separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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