I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
