The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Randomize
