if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
