is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
