I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
