The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
