Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
