I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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