My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
