escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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