Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
