I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
