i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
