Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
