Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
