In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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