Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
