My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
