Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
this boner is exhausting
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
