please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
