Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
