So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
