I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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