I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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