It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize