There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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