If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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