Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
