I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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