Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
