oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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