Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
