drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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